January 2011: In which Gerry Adams tries to resign from the House of Commons (A short play)

Scene 1. Requires cast of two, large beard, plastic crown, extreme indignation and optional bunting.


Gerry Adams: "I want to resign from parliament - I'm going to run for election instead in a country which I don't recognise as existing."

John Bercow: "OK then, Baron Adams, here's your Queen's shilling."

Gerry Adams: "Er, what the frick?"

John Bercow: "George Osborne will make you Crown Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead. It's the only way you can resign so that you can emigrate to that country you don't recognise and run for parliament there. It comes with a shilling."

Gerry Adams: "Um, I don't want to be a baron. I am an Irish republican. I have had no truck whatsoever with these antiquated and quite bizarre aspects of the British parliamentary system."

John Bercow: "It's enshrined in the 1975 House of Commons Disqualification Act, comes with a free shilling."

Gerry Adams: "Antiquated law. No."

John Bercow: "It's far younger than the Irish Offences Against the State Act. And look, there's a free shilling that you can just take!"

Gerry Adams: "I just want to resign. Íosa is Muire, why can't I just resign! I don't want your Queen's shilling!"

John Bercow: "Christ, you'd think we wanted to keep you... Dude, you and McGuinness have taken 3600 quid a month in expenses for a flat that should only cost 1400 while never turning up for work. You can surely take one more fricking shilling."

<Exit, pursued by a beard>


Aside, the other "office" used as a legal fiction for resignation is currently held by Iris Robinson. Like Gerry Adams, she's also from the Northern Ireland / Ulster / six county statelet tradition and is as mad as a bag of spiders.

Dear Enda Kenny...

I don't care why Enda Kenny isn't appearing on this evening's (February 8, 2011) TV3 debate. What I know is that his reasons for not appearing have changed like a chameleon lizard and he's shirking his responsibility by not bothering to turn up. Not impressed. Not a bit. This is what I sent to him earlier. It took four minutes to type - had I give it any longer I would have come across as an angry not-as-young-as-I-might-be man. Enda Kenny's idiocy is making me moderately angry (at least that head-shaking "stop being a plonker" angry). People don't like me when I'm angry.


Deputy Kenny

I'm writing this short note to express my displeasure with your decision not to appear on the TV3-televised Leaders' Debate.

Put shortly, yes - Vincent Browne's comments last Autumn were ill-chosen, insensitive and idiotic. They were offensive to you, offensive to Fine Gael, offensive to anyone with reasonable common sense  and particularly offensive to people who have lost relatives and friends to suicide. I have lost my mother to suicide, as well as a good friend and I found Mr Browne's comments to be over the line of general political comment for a man in his position.

However, should you become Taoiseach, you will suffer far more serious slings and arrows. Additionally, you have a duty as the man who would be Taoiseach and an elected representative to do all in your power to further the ambition of your party to solve Ireland's problems. You have a duty to represent those of us who are in financial difficulty as a result of the country's mismanagement. You have a duty to represent those of us who frequently have no more than our vote to represent ourselves. You have a duty to overcome the idiotic outpourings of a TV presenter portraying himself successfully as an grumpy old man.

Since your decision has become public, your stated reasons for not attending the debate and not representing your supporters have changed more than once. I suggest, somewhat kindly, that whatever your schedule now is, regardless of where it is, that putting your views through the well-regarded medium of public debate in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers should take first place. You still have time to make an announcement that for the good of the country, for the good of truth and for the good of sanity that you will appear on the televised debate and demonstrate that you are the bigger person.

Not appearing on the debate is costing you votes. It's costing your party votes. It's costing you people, like me, who would be willing to canvass locally on behalf of your party if you were able to demonstrate the courage of your bigger convictions (ie that the country needs a FIne Gael leadership in Dáil Eireann). Ultimately it's costing you Dáil Eireann seats, which you could use to make a better deal in a coalition government. Your non-appearance on the debate has become a source of mirth on the streets, a source of discussion on Internet sites like boards.ie, facebook and twitter. From the rich to the poor, people are puzzled by your unwillingness to make your case this evening and using Vincent Browne as an excuse (such as it's viewed) is not a valid reason, an adequate reason or a good enough reason to fail to represent those of us who feel failed by multiple years of a Fianna Fail government.

Your decision to refuse to appear on the debate is short-sighted, short-viewed and will be remembered by many when election day comes. That's what's disappointing to voters and supporters like me with time that could have been given to the election. You're making a mistake. You still have time to correct that mistake.

I've CCed this to Michael Noonan TD and to Kieran O'Donnell TD as the Fine Gael TDs for my constituency of Limerick City.

Kind regards

Seamus Ryan



Note: I didn't attach the picture below to the email. Perhaps I should have.

What's the point in circling?

There's a simple point to this blog: anti-idiocy. There's too much idiocy in politics. There's too much idiocy in our political representatives. There's too much idiocy in people. That's not going to change. But we can get angry about it, discuss it and occasionally have some fun along the way.

Yeah, that's a mission statement. Bite me. Updates will be periodic (in other words, I've no idea how often). Tell your friends. Enemies too. Slot it into your Google Reader.

Seamus